My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
pizza spelt its own name wrong
sometimes i think my seb stan obsession has calmed down and then i see a picture of him and no wait it’s worse than ever look at his face that should be illegal
- push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.
4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness (via acceptvnce)
This is wonderful
Need to do this
“but why are french people so rude!!" you ask
it’s because our national symbol is a cock
so we can’t help being dicks
this is my post with the most notes and it’s a dick joke
i aM FUCKING HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER
"at my school the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see ‘em and they got passed back the cop had 4"
I really fucking hate it when guys act like marriage is literally the end of their lives like if it’s so fucking bad, and you hate it so much, don’t get fucking married and put your spouse through hell because you’re shit. If you feel trapped you’re doing it wrong.
Filed under: Sitcom Tropes That Need to Go Away Forever
something i think about a lot is what if alien species have less biodiversity on their planets. like if they’ve got maybe 20, 25 species of bugs, total. so they come to earth and they’re like “whoa.” or they’ll like be like walking down the street and they’re like “ok what’s…
tHIS IS THE YEAR WOMEN FINALLY SAID “FUCK YOU” TO SEXISM
YOU GO , GIRL.
'not that you're the genius'
questioning her intelligence when he has that hair cut in 2014
BAAAAAAAM, for fuck’s sake!!
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MAYIM BIALIK.
FOR YEARS AS A KID AND TEEN, SHE BALANCED SCHOOL AND ACTING, NEVER ONCE LETTING HER GRADES DROP OR HER CAREER SUFFER.
SHE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL AT THE TOP OF HER CLASS, AND WAS ACCEPTED TO HARVARD AND YALE BUT CHOSE TO GO TO UCLA BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO STAY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY.
SHE EARNED A BACHELORS IN NEUROSCIENCE, HEBREW STUDIES, AND JEWISH STUDIES ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
SHE THEN WENT ON TO GET HER DOCTORATE AND A Ph.D. IN NEUROSCIENCE, WHILE BALANCING AN ACTING CAREER AND MOTHERHOOD.
SHE HAS BEEN THE BUTT OF SO MANY FASHION JOKES AND ANTI-SEMETIC JOKES IN HOLLYWOOD. WHEN PEOPLE SAW HER AS AMY, THEY RIDICULED HER ONLINE.
BUT SHE STUCK WITH IT. BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING PERSON AND IS HAVING NONE OF THIS “WOMEN CAN’T BE SUCCESSFUL AND SMART BULLSHIT.
SHE IS ALSO A NOW-SINGLE MOM OF TWO BOYS. AND STILL KEEPS HER CAREERS (YES THAT’S FUCKING PLURAL) ACTIVE.
BUT YET, PEOPLE STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ASK HER STUPID FUCKING SEXIST QUESTIONS THAT THEY WOULD NEVER GIVE, SAY, JIM PARSONS OR JOHNNY GALECKI.
MAYIM BIALIK IS A FUCKING ICON.